The Phantom Library Card
by TaintedAngel26
Summary: For all the fans of my inbox fanfic, here are a few more laughs for you! What happens when your favourite characters take a trip to the Coruscant Library? What do they borrow? Not normal books, movies and mags, of course!


DISCLAIMER: I don't own Star Wars.

The Phantom Library Card

LUKE SKYWALKER

Books: _The Complete Idiot's Guide to Lightsabers_

_ The Moron's Guide to Parental Relationships_

_ How to Raise Your IQ in 10 Days_

_Are YOU a Slobbering Idiot???_

Magazines: _Jedi Insider_

Movies: _O Father, Where Art Thou?_

LEIA ORGANA

Books: _Every Girl's Guide to Starting a Rebellion_

_ Dating the Smuggler and Where it Will Get You_

_Hair Styles that Rocked the Galaxy_

_When Your Son Turns Sith…_

Magazines: _Alderaan Style_

Movies: _Alderaan Beauty_

HAN SOLO

Books: _Charming Slugs_

_ Help! A Mandalorian is After Me!_

_119 Argument Starters_

_How to Deal with the Protocol Droid in Your Life_

_Shyriiwook for Beginners_

Magazines: _Corellian Sleemos_

Movies: _Nerfherder_

LANDO CALRISSIAN

Books: _Choosing Your First Freighter_

_ How to Successfully Cheat at Sabaac_

_The Complete Guide to Destroying Superweapons_

_Imperial Weakness: Making a Deal with Minimum Losses_

_Business Tips for Those Not into Business_

Magazines: _Smooth Boys Own_

Movies: _Bespin Slickers_

CHEWBACCA

Books: _Hangin' with Rogues_

_ Taming the Tangles—Keeping Your Fur Spiffy_

_ The Galaxy's Top 10 Forest Planets_

_ Is My Cousin an Ewok? The Top Wookiee Questions Answered_

_Copiloting for Intelligent Life-Forms_

Magazines: _Furballz_

Movie: _Dances with Wookiees_

C-3PO

Books: _The Don't Understand Me! Comprehending Humans_

_ 3 Million Forms of Communication_

_3 Million More Forms of Communication_

_Encyclopedia of Astromech Droids_

_Odds for Any Situation_

Magazines: _Hard Metal Professors_

Movies: _Droid in the Iron Mask_

R2-D2

Books: _I Survived the Purge! True Tales of Lucky Droids_

_The Complete Guide to Annoying Protocol Droids_

_Piloting through the Clone Wars_

_When Your Mistress's Hubby Turns Baddy…_

_Are YOU Brave?_

Magazines: _Astroboy_

Movies: _One Flew Over the Artoo's Nest_

DARTH VADER

Books: _Father/Son Weekend Activities_

_ Dispose of Your Master in Five Easy Steps_

_Force-Choking for Dummies_

_Hiding Your Identity_

_When Imperial Officers Annoy You…_

Magazines: _Successfully Ruling the Galaxy_

Movies: _SithFellas_

YODA

Books: _Small is Powerful_

_ Improve Your Grammar Today!_

_It's Not Easy Being Green_

_Teaching Idiots: With a Special Section on the Skywalkers_

_I Lived to 900!_

Magazines: _Living at 50 cm_

Movies: _Yodinator_

PALPATINE

Books: _The Seductions of the Dark Side_

_ The Braniac's Guide to Controlling a War_

_ Unnatural: Get the Full Power of the Dark Side WITHOUT Shipping & Handling!_

_ Dealing With Wrinkles_

_ Twist the Law to YOUR Advantage_

Magazine: _Hideous and Proud of It_

Movie: _I Know What You Did to the Death Star_

OBI-WAN KENOBI

Books: _Rebellious Padawans_

_When Your Padawan Gets a Padawan_

_Was My Master Playing Favorites?_

_When Negotiations Don't Work…_

_66—Who Will Survive?_

Magazine: _Coruscant Beat_

Movie: _Men in Brown_

ANAKIN SKYWALKER:

Books: _Parenting for Temperamental Jedi_

_How to Break the Jedi Code in Seven Easy Steps_

_Living with Cybernetics_

_The Complete Idiot's Guide to Revenge_

_Does She Think I'm Hitting on My Padawan? and Other True Stories_

Magazines: _Coruscant Hotties_

Movies: _Dude Where's My Lightsaber?_

DARTH MAUL

Books: _Tattooing for Dummies_

_ I Don't Want a Girlfriend, I Want Power!_

_It Came from Iridonia…Where Do Your Fave Sith Lords Come From?_

_The Complete Idiot's Guide to Constructing Unique Lightsabers_

_Only Half the Man I Used to Be_

Magazines: _Sith Punk'd_

Movies: _The Scarlet and the Black_

PADME AMIDALA

Books: _Hairstyles for the Daring_

_ Diplomatic Solutions vs. Aggressive Negotiations: Which Will Get You Further?_

_Ultimate Wardrobe_

_Choosing a Decoy: Which of Your Handmaidens Will Fool Your Foes?_

_Buddy Turned Baddy: What to Do When He Turns to the Dark Side_

Magazines: _Naboo Fashionistas_

Movies: _The Little Padmaid_

COUNT DOOKU

Books: _Start a Separatist Movement Today!_

_The Encyclopedia of Geonosis: Inhabitants, Terrain, Culture, Vehicles, Weapons, and More_

_ Neimoidians are Such Wimps: Dealing with those Jellyfish in Politics_

_ The Complete Guide to Blueprinting Superweapons_

_ Is My Sith Master Against Me?_

Magazines: _Separatist Today_

Movies: _The Exorsith_


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